Fuck you, that's my name.

blahblahnyborg @ 2007-07-26T09:17:00

2007-07-26T16:19:03Z

So, yeah, I haven't posted here in a million years. That's because I've been posting in my blog on myspace.

If you want to know what's up with me, check out www.myspace.com/blahblahnyborg. Though I think you have to be a myspace member to read my blogs, now that I think about it. Whatever.

Santa Baby

2006-12-07T22:28:33Z

Dear Santa...

Dear Santa,

This year I've been busy!

Last month I gave markedformetal a kidney (1000 points). In May I had a shoot-out with rival gang lords on the 5 near LA (-76 points). Last week hulk_smashy and I robbed a bank (-50 points). Last Sunday I signed my organ donor card (28 points). In August squeekdabicci and I donated clothes to the needy (11 points).

Overall, I've been nice (913 points). For Christmas I deserve a Lego set!

Sincerely,
blahblahnyborg

blahblahnyborg @ 2006-06-05T10:25:00

2006-06-05T17:34:11Z

I think I'm gonna move to San Francisco within the next year. I'm feeling a bit of wanderlust, and now is the perfect time to make a move to somewhere I haven't lived before. I have no husband or kids or pets. I'm almost 30. Now is the time to see what else is out there. I'm thinking San Francisco because it would be close to my mom, and it's a pretty city. My other thoughts are San Diego, Phoenix or Atlanta (close to my brother).

Now, I don't want to hear about how much I would hate living in any of those places, or how expensive they are. I'm aware of these things and am willing to take that chance. If I move, it's not forever, and if I hate it after a year or two, I will go somewhere else.

However, if you have constructive advice or information, like where to live or any law firms that are hiring, give me a shout. Likewise for any encouragement.

blahblahnyborg @ 2006-03-20T16:06:00

2006-03-21T00:27:28Z

I'm sorry. Netflix doesn't have Rubin and Ed. WTF?

It's kinda like finding out the guy you're dating wipes his boogers on the shower wall, not a deal breaker, but it certainly bursts the illusion of perfection.

blahblahnyborg @ 2005-12-01T13:56:00

2005-12-01T21:58:07Z

I need the name of a couple good tattoo artists in Seattle or Portland.

My brother is going to be here for Christmas and he wants to get a tattoo while he's home.

He will be in Portland 12/16 to 12/18 and Seattle 12/23-12/26.

Thank you for sharing your knowledge!

Some things.

2005-11-16T23:27:11Z

1. I have a new apartment and am moving in January. Whee! I can't wait to have my own space. Of course, once I have it, I will probably be very lonely and want to have a roommate again.

2. I might be going to NYC in December.

3. My brother goes on terminal leave in May and will be done with the Marines in July.

4. I walked the Portland Marathon in October. 26.2 miles. Yikes.

5. I like rock climbing.

6. I will be giving up my livejournal when my membership expires. I don't ever write in it anymore, and don't read it too much, either.

7. I'm still single, and pretty much OK with it. I would like to get laid, but whatever. My sex drive is in hibernation for a while, and that's OK.

8. Patrick has still not taken my name off of the loan. After sending him a somewhat threatening email, I'm hoping it will be done by the end of the year. I'd hate to have to take him to court.

9. I went to San Francisco this summer. You San Franciscans have a beautiful city. Beautiful.

10. I will be in Seattle for 5 days over Christmas.

That is all. This may well be my last post, so I will wish you all well now.

blahblahnyborg @ 2005-08-03T16:12:00

2005-08-03T23:10:54Z

I need to get laid, STAT.

I am not even kidding.

blahblahnyborg @ 2005-06-21T13:17:00

2005-06-21T20:29:01Z

Loneliness tastes like pennies.

I want things I can't have. For instance, I want this stupid cold/allergy/stuffiness issue to go away. I want to be OK. I want a hug I can lean into for a while.

The doctor thinks there is something wrong with my heart. It seems that sometimes anxiety is not just anxiety, especially when your left arm goes numb. While I am sure this is nothing (I'm a 28 year old woman, for Christ's sake, not a prime canditate for a heart attack) I am terrified that it is something. Two nights in a row I have had a nightmare that I died waiting for a heart transplant.

I am not one to borrow trouble, and I'd like to keep my worries to myself, but maybe if I write this here I can exorcise this demon. I don't know why this is wigging me out so badly. I know it's just anxiety. I'm sure this fear that I will die alone in an alley because I can't afford medical treatment is more related to the fact that I am divorced and haven't gotten laid in nearly a year than anything actually being wrong with me.

blahblahnyborg @ 2005-05-04T13:03:00

2005-05-04T20:23:26Z

I keep trying to update, but what's the point? All my stories are too long now, and take up too much time.

There is this guy, but he doesn't like me the way I like him. You know how sometimes you have a friendship with someone, and in the back of your head you know that that friend would like the relationship to be more? And they would do anything for you, and you hang out with them because you like them, but you always keep them at arms length because you don't want them to "get any ideas" about how you feel about them? I am that person for this guy. I know he doesn't feel the way I do. And it confuses me and pisses me off that I feel the way I do about him. He's not my type. And if we dated, it would end badly, probably before it got off the ground. But I still hope. I still want him. I feel stupid. Maybe I feel this way because no matter how much of a long shot he is, he is the closest I'm gonna get.

I'm in an ugly duckling phase. I feel fat, my hair is unruly and my skin is bad. I know this will not last, but it sure does suck.

I gotta go. My head hurts, and I feel like shit.

I feel like I'm so irritated!

2005-03-15T20:54:47Z

I feel like I'm so irritated! antiotter told me that wookiepocket told mobiusmuse that they saw me talking to secretninja and dissing on quan_yin. Whatever! And yeah. You might guess I don't give a flying f*** what they think anymore. I'm over that.

Oh and dad was totally unfair to me yesterday and now I have to do chores instead of going to the movies with people :-(.

And also that bitter old queen litos gone and said that I got caught talking crap about nonfeasance.

Hey and know what? ectal said they wanted to hang out at the mall but _jezebeth_ wanted to do something else :-(.

This entry automatically generated by the LJ Drama Generator!

blahblahnyborg @ 2005-02-14T14:25:00

2005-02-14T22:53:19Z

I am so lonely I feel that I could literally die. My skin feels like it could shrivel up and flake away from lack of a loving caress. I ache to be touched, held, cuddled, loved. This pain is like another person following me around everywhere. Once in a while I manage to shade out, but it always finds me again.

I go to bed terrified and wake up dreading the day ahead. I need someone, and want someone to need me, too. I know how pathetic that is.

Today is St. Valentine's Day. Instead of being bitter and angry, I gave Valentines to my friends and coworkers. I want to send my love out into the world, instead of keeping it locked up in my heart, so it will come back to me, refreshed and unafraid.

I want this pain to stop. I want things I can't have. My life is such a mess.

He's just not that into you.

2005-01-28T18:22:02Z

Some days I can't help feeling that I'm repulsive. Other days I feel that I am "not that bright." My self-worth is entirely too dependent on what other people think of me. Some days I wish I could hide in a corner and never come out again. Ever.

I had the worst panic attack of my life last night. I hid under my blankets and sobbed for 3 hours straight; my heart was banging away in my chest and my hands and feet went numb. These panic attacks have been happening a lot lately and it's pissing me off. Time to visit the doctor again, I guess.

blahblahnyborg @ 2004-12-23T09:40:00

2004-12-23T17:42:16Z

Dude. Some guy was shot a block from my office as I was walking to work this morning.

Merry fucking Christmas.

ARGH!

2004-12-20T17:29:13Z

I just found out that my brother has a Livejournal (squeekdabicci because he sent an email that said he was no longer using LJ, but had moved his blog to squeekdabicci.blogspot.com. Dammit. It would have been cool to have my brother as part of my LJ community. Ah well, at least he knows where to find me now.

In other news: I can't believe Christmas is Saturday. Ugh. I'm so not emotionally ready for it. I'm such a grinch this year, and I'm really not looking forward to driving to Seattle to spend yet another depressing Christmas with my parents. Not that my parents are depressing, or that I'm against spending time with them, but without my brother there it's just too fucking sad.

Everything is too fucking sad this year. I can't even watch Miracle on 34th Street. Sigh.

Merry fucking Christmas and tidings of fucking joy.

blahblahnyborg @ 2004-12-06T15:36:00

2004-12-06T23:34:17Z

Thank you, kind person who gave me a rename token. I've been wanting to change my user name, and have never gotten around to it.

blahblahnyborg @ 2004-11-01T16:29:00

2004-11-02T00:31:23Z

Why do like this guy? I mean, I guess I know WHY, but I also know that we work together and it would never work. I also know that I'm not really in a good position to getting into any kind of shenanigans with any guy, let alone one I work with. Bad things are coming, I can just feel it.

blahblahnyborg @ 2004-10-26T21:35:00

2004-10-27T04:36:46Z

Also: I hate everything.

DON'T READ THIS

2004-10-26T22:46:12Z

For those of you who want to know how I am: I'm shitty.

I'm bitter and angry, and it's not getting any better. And it's not what you think, I don't want to be with him again. I'm angry at the circumstances. I'm angry that my marriage managed to destroy what little confidence I had in myself. I can't stop thinking that he never really wanted to be there and that I was stupid to keep hanging on. That's me, stupid, ugly and not good enough for anyone. Yeah, I said it. Deal.

This weekend, it will have been a year. And what pisses me off is that I'm emotionally worse off now than I was then. I should be in a better place. Yes, I should be, I don't care what you think.

blahblahnyborg @ 2004-10-08T17:02:00

2004-10-09T00:05:03Z

Yay! schmuckythecat is back!

blahblahnyborg @ 2004-10-08T10:07:00

2004-10-08T17:10:08Z

What the fuck happened to schmuckythecat?

blahblahnyborg @ 2004-10-05T16:20:00

2004-10-05T23:31:33Z

Why do I torture myself? I am such a stupid, stupid person. Just because I know of the existence of www.patrickandcira.com does not mean that I should go look at it every now and then and read the updates. Just because Patrick's house used to be my house, too, doesn't mean that its a good idea to go out there and see how completely I've been replaced.

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?

Am I ever going to get over this? How am I going to get through the rest of my life if I cannot get over this? And, jesus, I left him, right? So why do I care that he's moved on? I KNEW he would move on when I left, because he was in love with her from the beginning. It was part of the reason that I left him. Right? Right. And do I want to get back together with him? No, I do not. The very thought makes me itchy.

Ich weiss nicht was ich will, ich will nicht was ich weiss.

Again, I ask: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?

I quit.

blahblahnyborg @ 2004-09-28T15:02:00

2004-09-28T22:12:07Z

Here I am, rock me like a hurricane.

Fuck all this shit. All of it. Take it and fuck it senseless.

My brother left for Iraq this morning. I have a stupid crush on one of the attorneys that I work with. I'm grumpy. I'm lonely. I'm scared. I'm broke.

My ex-husband is a whiny, bitch-ass motherfucker, but I still hang out with him.

Heh. Whatever.

BUT, I have the best job EVER! Seriously. Aside from the stupid crush thingie (which I'm hoping will pass soon, because that is NO GOOD) this place rocks my socks off. Socks my rocks off? I dunno. But I love it here.

Wow. I really do not have anything to say. Nothing. Too much feelings, not enough words. I need to get to work. Gah.

blahblahnyborg @ 2004-08-18T10:23:00

2004-08-18T17:23:57Z

www.patrickandcira.com

Oh dear....

2004-08-11T23:15:59Z

Tonight is the going-away party for one of our paralegals, A. A lost a bet and has to wear our bosses 7th grade wrestling singlet to the bar. Also, another attorney lost a different bet, and has to moon her before we head over. This attorney has allowed us to write "Bye Bye Baby" on his bare ass.

This is going to be an interesting night....

blahblahnyborg @ 2004-08-02T14:20:00

2004-08-02T21:28:45Z

I've heard rumors that some people are pissed off at me for not updating more, so this entry for them.

The job is awesome. I can't even describe to you how awesome it is. I think I have finally landed somewhere where I can be happy. I think the only bad this is that my office is approximately 30 degrees every day. It's freezing. My nipples are constantly hard, and not in a good way.

The only thing stopping me from having the greatest life ever is the fact that I'm in debt up to my eyeballs. But that situation should right itself soon.

Also: I have a huge crush on someone. You know who you are...